The Cleanout

· Wednesday July 28, 2010

The word ‘free' is like my catnip, my knee-buckling kryptonite, the ‘bacon sandwich' Achilles heel to my staunch ‘vegetarian' calf. Free cardboard box? Free kick to the gut? Yes please! Unfortunately, while upon terra firma, it rarely occurs. Not for real, anyway. Things like, 'free love' come with dependents and DVD-nights attached, 'free booze', crippling hangovers and seriously cringey memories, 'free food' a BFF moment with your toilet bowl.

Local muso Christopher Kelaart is belatedly joining the classic Janet Jackson/Luther Vandross ballad with his own set of swan songs; the farewell of ex-favourite belongings. For what? For nix. Nada. Nein clams. Zero bits of shrap. Total absence of tender. I could go on. But time is money. And you really need to visit his website, The Cleanout, STAT.

By simply answering a question (Kelaart says to “encourage more creative thinking and writing, instead of consultation of Google and Wikipedia” - does he have a spycam or what?) you go in the running to win something like: Hulk smash gloves! Super specs! A Freddy Kruger glove! A scabby magazine rack that was destined for his bathroom! Wow, can't believe that one's free. Anyway - it's a neat concept. We checked it out for you and it's no scam - he really just wants to get rid of his stuff, with only good karma coins in return (don't worry, the universe supplies those). Now, that's better than a kick to the gut. Even a free one.