The Thousands

Not so much Brendan Nelson, but Steve McQueen, Uma Thurman, Dennis Hopper, even Carrie Anne Moss – no matter what your particular take on riding a motorcycle, it’s more types of cool than you could poke a hipster at.

In pursuit of that vision, you should spend two days with a mixed bag of bogans and mid-life crises feeling scared, awkward and looking like a dick learning to ride at Stay Upright.**Because, baby steps, this is the best way to go from pedestrian to road menace. And road menace is the not an exaggeration, because despite the uniform excellence of the instructors, the idea of being let loose in the traffic of, say, Cleveland St, after two days in a car park in Clyde doing no more than about 25 kilometres an hour is, well, ludicrous.

So, back streets. And maybe an intermediate course some time soon. In the meantime, behold and beware my L plates.