The Thousands

You don’t have to make a lame purple dedication website  or belt out One Eyed, One Horned, Flying Purple People Eater at the office karaoke night to showcase purple pride. Here’s a recipe based entirely on purple appreciation, that’ll have you showing up Violet in no time.**1) Take one bottle of vodka. Three of your tallest friends. Your ‘art shirt’. One tennis ball…and a bucket.

2) To begin, drink some vodka and make your way on foot to the nearest mulberry tree. Experienced harvesters will know that elaborate disguises are unnecessary – be swift, be silent.

3) Person One holds the bucket, as Persons Two and Three scavenge the ripest fruit. Your job is to use the tennis ball to distract vicious looking dogs.

4) Should you get caught: return home and blend berries, icing sugar, mint, ice and remaining vodka into tall glasses, and destroy the evidence.

Avoid your internet browser, and karaoke night, for best results.