The Thousands

Do you live in the world? If you do then you have to enjoy the ‘World Game’. The beautiful dream. The ladies’ choice. The holy grail. The spring carnival. World Cup Soccer. That’s right, every 4 years people like me love to sit round and pretend we know all about soccer. But what if someone who is a real soccer nut starts talking to you and you wanna impress them? Here are some key points.

The new ball – claim you prefer the old days when it wasn’t so aerodynamic and people needed skills, not a bloody physics degree to kick it.

Goalie – Any time the ball goes near our goalie shout ‘Schwarzaaaaaa’ and people will think you know the goalie’s name.

Harry Kewell – he is the hot one.

74 and 06 – Keep ‘remembering’ 1974 and 2006. The only other times we made it into the World Cup. Say things like ‘ah the glory days of 74′ or ‘we wouldn’t have let them get away with that in 06′.

And if all else fails just call someone un-Australian for some random reason and that should make it clear that you are pro-Australian – which is the good one, right?